One of the most difficult parts about being divorced is working out holiday plans. Christmas is arguably the most important holiday of the year, and knowing you have to share your child isn't easy. Every 13 seconds a couple is getting divorced. Millions of people are trying to figure out how to co-parent after divorce. Here are some tips to help you survive Christmas.
Make plans as far in advance as possible
Your children are having a difficult enough time adjusting to separate households; they don't need to be jerked around at the last minute over winter break. Make sure you and your ex are on the same page with your Christmas plans. If your children are spending a week or two of their break with your ex, decide the schedule a couple months ahead of time if possible. Make sure your children know exactly where they will be each day so there is no confusion. Don't change any of the plans unless you absolutely have to.
Know your limits on togetherness
If your children are young, and you want your ex over on Christmas morning to have a "normal" Christmas, that is completely up to the two of you. However, know your limits on how much togetherness you can have. Don't plan several Christmas events together if you know you will end up miserable and fighting. The children will have a much better time having you two separate if everyone is happier that way.
Don't one-up on the presents
You don't need to be the favorite parent by doubling the amount of presents that your ex buys. If your ex says no to something extravagant, don't run out and buy it just to buy your child's affection. Talk to your ex ahead of time about a budget and/or present number. Trying to buy love doesn't help anyone. All it does is set a negative precedent for your kids. If your ex doesn't stick to the plan and goes overboard, don't take it as an invitation.
Try to salvage some traditions
Children have a difficult time letting go of traditions. Keep as many of them as you can. If you and your children always fill Christmas tins full of homemade baked goods for the family, keep baking. If your children open a present on Christmas Eve, have the early presents ready, even if that have to be opened on a different day.
Don't push a new relationship on everyone
One of the most difficult things that divorced parents can do is introduce the new girlfriend or boyfriend. If you still do family dinners with your ex, make sure you talk about it first. Don't just show up with your new sweetheart and expect everyone to be okay with it. You need to make sure you aren't throwing him or her to the wolves first.
You need to worry about your children's feelings as well. Since you haven't been divorced very long, they're still adjusting to not having both parents together. Introducing a new significant other to the mix might be extremely upsetting. Even if your new relationship is getting serious, your partner needs to understand that your children's feelings are the most important factor and it may not be time to add him or her to the mix.
Make sacrifices
If your ex isn't being agreeable about days each of your will have your children over the holidays, make some sacrifices. If you have to give up a Christmas morning once in a while, you aren't 'losing'. It isn't about you. How you respond to conflict teaches your children how to respond to conflict in the future. Your children are still with a parent on Christmas, and in the end all that matters is that your kids are happy on Christmas.
Christmas is one of the most difficult times for divorced parents. You didn't agree when you were married and now you have to agree while you're divorced. Keep it about the kids and do your best to make the most of it.
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